Tell her she can't have a vagina
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
