Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
