thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
You're like the curious george of whores
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Randomize
