I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
