Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
