Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
her facebook's as public as her vagina
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
Randomize
