i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
