all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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