Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Randomize
