3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
Randomize
