watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
It's never too late to be topless.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize