Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
