You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
Randomize