Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
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