I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I should be sponsored by Trojan
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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