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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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