ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
