So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
It was a blind-side dick pic.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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