the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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