I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
