Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
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