i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
Randomize
