I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
