If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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