I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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