ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
