I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
Randomize
