I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Im just drunk enough to admit that I miss Hannah Montana.
Randomize
