I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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