i need an iv and a liver transplant
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
Randomize
