And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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