I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
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