so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize