Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
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