I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
Randomize
