So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Randomize
