one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Hunting for men at chipotle... I feel like I should be more disappointed that this is the way my life is going but I'm really just excited for the potential.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
