# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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