She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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