I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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