Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
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