The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
