did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
