i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
