If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
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