She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
