the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
