I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
