I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
i believe in u and ur pee
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize