God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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