He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Why is the garage door in the middle of the street?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
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