We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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