if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
