Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
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