Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
