I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
JUST MADE A FLAMING SLED. MIGHT HAVE 3RD DEGREE BURNS.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Randomize
