no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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