i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
our cab driver is having phone sex.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
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