Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
They walked in to the store, ripped up the phone book, and left. Can we get on their level?
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
