how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
