I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
