There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I hope you get some kind or rare disease that makes your dick ties itself in a knot for fucking her you lucky bastard.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Talked a police officer into driving us the 1/2 mile home from the bars because we didn't want to walk. I never knew the back of cop Cars had plastic seats.
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