the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
Randomize
