if you like me you must not know who I am
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
he offered to walk down from the bar this morning to my house and bring me a guinness...
how romantic. its the irish mans version of flowers
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
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