hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
Randomize
