4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
