did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Can I drink yet?
It's Monday morning.
Your point?
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
Randomize
