Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
