Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
