I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Hey couldn't find water bottle to put margs in whole bottle in purse gonna stop and get cups and ice from starbucks and burrito from una mas want a quesadilla
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Randomize