Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Randomize
