you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
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