question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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