I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I have aggressive nipples.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
