There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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