I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
we made out on top of his cat.
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Randomize
