They should really pass out barf bags in church
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I think people are normalizing furries
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
