I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
