He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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