You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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